Raymond Buckland's blue bible sat on the left side of the altar, the holy bible sat on the right side. Behind each of the books was a tall white candle signifying the Lord and the Lady, my chosen God Cronos, better known as "Father Time," or "Grim Reaper," and my Goddess was Gaia, or "Mother Earth." In the middle was a third candle symbolizing my spirit. There was also an incense burner, or censor, sitting at the very front. An athame, or knife, in it's wooden stand occupied the middle of the altar.
My athame had been acquired 3 years earlier in a trade for some pot. It was a beautiful piece. and very unique, I have never seen another even remotely like it. The handle was a bit larger than a set of brass knuckles and you handled it in about the same manner. Imagine the brass knuckles have black horns at each end, the face of a demon in the middle where your hand went when you picked it up, and twin blades protruded from the opposite side of the horns. I called it "Demon Blade," and believe me that is exactly what it looked like. Four votive candles sat just in front of the books, representing Air, Water, Fire, and Earth. The incense burner was positioned slightly in front of a tea light that represented the cosmos and the connection of deity, elements, and spirit. The Altar itself sat low in a shallow but wide closet. I would open the doors light tea lights and incense and meditate normally on a daily basis after I erected it. I wanted everything to feel right before I performed my dedication. I had wanted to initiate myself into Wicca the way that Raymond Buckland had made possible for solitaire practitioners with his Seax-Wica Tradition. Whether he had truly intended for Witches to be able to sprout up little eclectic covens and practice without being lineaged, or if he had just wanted to sell books one can only speculate. Either way, I was very tempted to perform a self-initiation but instead felt more comfortable upon deciding to do a dedication first and take it from there. I thought about the actual steps of a dedication everyday for what seemed like forever to me. It must have been two or three weeks after I had made the decision to do one. I wanted to create my own ritual for it and I was not so familiar or comfortable with performing them at the time so I was sort of caught up on that for a bit. Should I do something different with the altar? should I wear certain clothes? should I be skyclad? Did I need a special type of incense or color of altar cloth? I had a million questions. One evening I came home from work and I just felt like it was time. I still hadn't finalized a plan for my ritual and instead had an urge to just do it. To hell with a planned ritual or specific form. I told everyone not to knock on my door or bother me until I came out of my room. I took a shower and then walked into my room. I closed the door and then sat down cross-legged in front of my altar. I had said a prayer to Gaia while the water was running over me and cleansing me in the shower, so I picked up my athame in both hands and said a prayer to Cronos and then sat it back down. I lit a long wooden match stick and then used it to light each of the tall candles on the back side of the alter, inciting words of invocation and praise as I did so. After lighting the four tea lights on the front of the altar I paused for a moment of reflection. Everything felt right so far, and in-fact everything felt more than right. I felt as if the alter was coming to life. I concentrated my energy on the incense and lit it. I asked it to carry my prayers to the cosmos with its rising smoke. And then I leaned back from the altar, got comfortable, and closed my eyes. So here I was sitting indian style on the bedroom floor a foot or two away from the altar and everything felt absolutely perfect. My normally serious looking face wearing a slight smile. I let my all of the random thoughts in floating around in my mind run their natural courses one by one until my mind was cleared. I sat for a few moments thinking nothing at all just feeling the energy present in the room. I felt oddly electrified as I used visualization techniques I had been practicing for a while now to enter into a deeper and deeper levels of meditation. In my meditative state, I envisioned myself in a nature casting a circle, I hailed the Elements one by one, invoking them and then welcoming them to my sacred space there in the astral. After the circle was erected and I walked around it three times, completing it and empowering it, standing in the center, arms raised, I called to the Lord and Lady, Gaia and Cronos. I formally invited them to my circle as honored guests and announced my intentions. At this point I felt the energy level change, and I swear I felt a gust of wind in the closed off bedroom. Strangely I now also felt as if I was literally floating. I wanted to open my eyes but I didn't dare. I stood in the circle feeling extremely peaceful and empowered. I bowed to the Lord and Lady and made my vows. I vowed to always be true and faithful to both of them and to also respect the elements. I vowed to be true to the ways of paganism and to continue learning and practicing and growing for as long as I lived. I vowed to help educate and reeducate those who wished to learn the old ways and to never abuse what knowledge I would be blessed enough to attain. I vowed to never force my religion, philosophy, or ways of life onto others. I vowed to be true to myself. After my vows were finished I thanked the deity, I thanked the elements, and I said goodbye to them. I walked around my circle counter-clockwise absorbing the magick back into my astral body as I went. I found a comfortable place in my nature sanctuary near the spot I had cast the circle and held the astral ritual and I sat down to reflect. When I opened my eyes the incense had already finished burning out. I felt so good it is honestly hard to describe, like somehow I was completed for the first time. As if I was finally understood. I was connected with the Cosmos. I leaned forward and snuffed the candles and then I stood up and walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it for a minute. I was smiling as I laid back on my pillow and stretched my legs out. The feeling was amazing but my knees were a little sore from sitting still for probably close to an hour like I had just done. About 30 or 45 minutes later, I really couldn't tell you, I was very relaxed and that was when It happened. From the left side of my room, the side with the altar, clear as a bell, "Jorrrrrr-daannnnnnnnnnnn-uhhhhhhh." To this day I get chill bumps and my hair stands up whenever I think about that voice. It is a hard thing to describe, not only the voice itself but the feeling that it instantly caused. The voice was distant but very audible with its harsh, raspy, ancient sounding tone, it is hard to explain but it sounded like it was being spoken from across the very sands of time. At the same instant that the voice called out I had a vision of a someone, or something, in a raggedy grey cloak that covered their body and a hood that cast a dark enough shadow that you saw no face or even eyes. One arm of the cloak was stretched straight out, and I thought it held a dangling lantern because it was gleaming, but it wasn't, it was holding an hour-glass. The other arm was down by its side, and and held a short handled sickle with a blade that was almost black. Before the voice had even faded the vision was gone. I was so terrified I could not move, I could barely even think. I remember being frozen like that, hair standing on end and goosebumps over my entire body, for what seemed like eternity. It could have been five minutes or an hour I could not tell you, but know that I did not move until I feel asleep. The next morning it was the first thing on my mind as soon as my eyes opened and I decided to pretend it wasn't real, but I knew that it was.
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December 2018
AuthorWriter, nature lover, poet, pagan, occultist and blogger. Categories
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